my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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