my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am naked and annoyed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
