so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm really busy with my period
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