and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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