Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
