Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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