Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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