I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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