Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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