So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
