so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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