I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
