So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize