I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I smell stomach acid.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
