omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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