If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
