My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
