i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
