i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
