Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
