I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
