So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
