please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
