I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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