Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
