it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
