Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
