Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
porn star boner night. come get it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
