Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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