I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
