im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize