Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
