Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
third nipple confirmed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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