You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
