if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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