i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
