i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
