you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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