We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
