Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
