Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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