This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
