Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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