idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
