Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
