think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
