If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
NoShamevember. You game?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
