in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize