My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
