You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
