I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
