The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
