Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
