we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
