i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
