No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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