Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
