Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
