I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
