i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
