We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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