WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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