I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
