Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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