If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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