We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
