When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
