ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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