i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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