:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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